A Dictionary

    I remember an elderly Chinese man.  When I first met him, he was so afraid he barricaded himself in a bedroom.  I bought him a Chinese/English dictionary.  He wrote a letter to his doctor and advocated for himself.  That's what I would like to do for myself.

    My doctor was giving me samples given to him for free from drug companies.  I asked if we could change my meds.  He yelled at me.  I changed doctors.  My medications changed.  I moved out of my aunt's house.  Also, to compound matters, I had a small identity crisis.  This all lead me back into the hospital.

    Three weeks later, I was feeling fine.  I decided I would like if my mom had guardianship over me, so she could admit me to hospital if I was not capable of making decisions for myself.  It would take one to two months to clear this administrative hurdle.  I had to be in the hospital for legal reasons while they processed the paperwork.

    A week later, a nurse passed me a furtive note telling me that I was not crazy, based on my writing.

    She was fired.

    For two months, the rest of the nurses treated me like a madman.  I was perfectly sane (but addicted to the cigarettes that gave me regularity -- I've since quit those).  Now, ten years later, I have cognitive dissonance: I am afraid of the side-effects of my medications, but even more afraid of going against the wishes of my doctor.  I know that it doesn't make sense.  A sane person, weighing the side effects against the benefits, would not take these medications willingly.  I recognize my trauma.  I was gaslit by nurses who didn't know any better, and given sparce encouragement from the doctors who should have known better.  This is how you treat enemies, or convicted felons.  Not fellow citizens.

    I gave a dictionary to an old Chinese man who could barely write.  That holistic treatment saved him weeks, months, years in the hospital.  How come doctors and nurses don't think about the true needs of their patients?  Are they all afraid of being fired?